WELCOME BACK

Hi All,

I'm officially welcoming myself back to my blog!

I've been so busy keeping things together, as I'm sure you can all relate too.  Life is sometimes hectic, and chaotic but also beautiful and powerful.

My cesarean baby is almost eight years old, hard to believe it, but also feel just right.  I took a break from family centred cesarean birth advocacy for a while, for many reasons, but the time is right for me to dive back in.

I'm writing a book on holistic cesarean care.  It's a super exciting project that I hope will help women have the most positive birthing experience possible during a cesarean section.

So I'll be around here a little more.  Stop by and say hi if you want!

Do you want to be IN my book?  I'm looking for photos of cesarean babies and families.  I am looking to include families that depict cultural diversity.  Photo's can be sent to miekejay@protonmail.com
Photos that are selected for the book will receive a thank you gift and credit in the book.

Looking Forward To It All.

What to think about this.

I've been really busy lately as my older son has been really, really sick (yup might have to start a Lyme Disease blog too!)


I had a moment to stop by my blog here and I was surprised to see a jump in the number of visitors.


When I looked into the source I found that a certain somewhat infamous "Dr.A" added my blog to her blog list.  I imagine this is because of my last post, which did express some dissatisfaction with my midwifery care.    Still how could a attachment parenting, non-vacinating, ICAN leader, home birth believing person, such as myself, end up being linked to by a blogger who I feel no common ground? A blogger who has been discredited by people I respect, and has a real hate on for bloggers I love, such as The Feminist Breeder.


Yes,  I wished that the day of the midwife was not the day before my son's birthday but I guess I should have been more clear that the problem I had was not with midwifery in general, but with the fact that I felt uninformed that registered midwives here are required to "tow the party line" and are in fact much more involved in medical style birth then I had understood.


I didn't realize that the info I was given by one of my midwives: that being 42 weeks pregnant was dangerous for the baby, and that cervidil's prostaglandin was the same as my own hormones and the risks of it's use were that it wouldn't work, were very much hospital dogma and not evidence based.


I didn't understand that in order to keep their hospital privileges, and be allowed to catch babies they must fall in line with the head of obstetrics, and classic OB protocols.   


I also feel that the chance of me experiencing an intervention based birth was not clearly articulated to me.  While we spent at least 10-15 minutes discussing the triple screen test, a test that give indication of relatively rare disorders we spent NO TIME discussing the fact that the hospital I was going to give birth at has more then a 30% cesarean rate, and the fact that my attending midwifes cesarean rate was 17%.  


Since entering the birth advocacy world I have heard so many stories of these types of problems, people thinking that Registered Midwife, means something other then what it does.  I think that a term like Nurse Midwife would be much more forthcoming of the type of care they are able to provide.  


Now all this might seem like complaints against midwives but that 


IS NOT WHAT I'M SAYING!


I believe that many big hearted, women centred, truly caring women become registered midwives.  I think that they are forced in to a position that is difficult to navigate, keep their hospital privileges and help women make choices that will lead them to happy births. Some appear to have become hardened by years of trying to lead women to empowering births against a massive medical/pharmacutical system.   I think back to the little comments my midwives made suggesting home birth, doulas, avoiding induction and now I realize that these little comments were their attempt to give me good information, but when it came mixed with the standard hospital "you could harm your baby" info I missed the good stuff.


I totally support midwives, both registered and not, I just think we are still a ways off from finding truely informed 

Three Years Later, Day of the Midwife.

The day before the anniversary of my cesarean section also happens to be "Day of the Midwife" in "Midwifery Month" -so much as I would like to just let my thoughts be with my little boy on his last day of being two, I am being bombarded with requests to attend birth workshops, picnics, and even flash mobs all celebrating the greatness of midwives.

And don't get me wrong I think that the rebirth of midwifery in Canada is in general a very positive thing.  Too bad my experience with midwifery care kind of sucked.

Sure I am all up for taking the blame for not having the birth I wanted, for not doing enough of my own research, for not being more demanding, for assuming that midwife meant what I had read about in all of my hippie birthing books.  The truth is that I feel that the care I got put me in a dangerous position of relying on people who were trained to do one thing, uncomplicated birth, when I was encouraged to leave that realm by way of induction.

I wish that the eve of little boy's birth was some other day and that I had not been asked to give three cheers for midwives 40 times this week.  It makes me a little pissed off actually.  Guess it's the universe's way of reminding me that, like it or not, birth culture has gotten up under my skin and I must keep using that fire for good.

So, happy Day of the Midwife, and a part of my heart really means it.

P.T.S.D. and Me, 2 and A Half Years Later.

Through exploring birth advocacy I have met women who are dealing with birth trauma. Most show signs of trauma induced anxiety, and some, like me, have p.t.s.d.

I was recently asked by a newly traumatized mother "Does it get better?"

Of course, my first instinct was to say "Yes, it does".

And it is true that the first wave of constant hyper alertness, nightmares, intense fear for yourself and the baby, grief and panic does pass. But does it get better, or just different, was the question I found myself pondering.

The nightmares are less. The obsession about the birth is less. I can get past more of the fear. But the bigger ripples are starting to show up in my life.

I find myself doing somewhat "crazy" things. In fact the last time I was alone with my toddle in the house overnight, we ended up barricaded in his bedroom. Three large switch blades, (I DO live on the side of a mountain so I own these as protection against cougars and bears), a big can of bear spray, and the phone were not enough to make me feel secure. I ended up having to slide the huge heavy dresser across the door in order to sleep at all. I spent much of the night imagining a crazed person breaking in to my house and trying to get in to our room. Should I stand my ground and try to stab him? Use the fire ladder to escape out the window? Spray his face with pepper spray? This was not a great way to spend any night. Never in my life before my little ones eventful birth have I had this type of overwhelming fear. Fear that prompts actions that I don't want to teach my child.

Also my anxiety has caused issues for the health of other members of my family, most notably, my older son. I ended up calling an ambulance for him thinking he was having an asthma attack, and he was, sort of. He had good oxygen levels, but was quite distressed and scared and breathing strangely. After being interviewed by the paramedics, nurses and then doctors it came together that I had freaked out so much over what was most likely a pre teen hormonal moment(acting funny, not responding to what I was saying) that he had been convinced that he was having a major attack and started to feel terrible. Basically I had caused the attack, -not so awesome.

I also have to really fight to stay positive, and not constantly think about the demise and my loved ones, or myself. A bout 10 years ago a good friend, who had had early childhood trauma, told me that when she says goodbye to anyone she cares about she always believes it will be the last time she will see them, Because of this she feels sorrow and fear at all partings. I was shocked, how could she be living with so much sadness? Now, I too have this burden.

So does it get better? Well for me it gets less acute. I have fun now, I enjoy my children, there are many moments when p.t.s.d. is not affecting me. But it has settled deep, and two and a half years later the journey to healing is certainly not over.

The upside of this: I am sure that this journey was one that was given to me with purpose. I am moving in circles with women who I know were meant to be a part of my life. We are working together to help prevent birth trauma and that is a powerful thing.

I am part of a new birth trauma peer support group. Which has a user friendly, yet highly informative website that I would whole heartedly recommend.

http://www.vancouverbirthtrauma.ca/

Here's to healing and helping. And really I think it's fair to say that Yes, It Does Get Better.

Guest Post at Mothers of Change

I'd like to thank the great team at Mothers of Change for hosting my guest post on updating cesarean protocols. Please have a read and feel free to comment here, or there, especially if you have any suggestions for bettering the cesarean experiences

http://www.mothersofchange.com/2011/12/changing-cesarean-births.html

This post was not only a great oportunity to share information, it got me writing again, something I have been wanting to do for a while now!

"Natural Cesarean" Why the Controversy?

This tissue has been brewing for me for the last year.

The issue is this; in most hospitals cesarean protocol is antiquated in a number of ways. Routine separation of mother and baby is the norm. Often baby is sent to the nursery, or at best is sent with dad(or partner) to wait for the mama to come out of recovery.

Even at the hospital I birthed at that allowed skin to skin in the OR, and babies in recovery, my perfectly healthy newborn was not shown to me for around ten minutes while he was weighed and measured and tagged, and a medical student practiced a newborn exam on him.

The atmosphere in the OR was "business as usual", cold impersonal, lacking in any "warm fuzzy" feeling at all. I was told my son had been born by having one of the docs declare "1:25" loudly at my face. When I didn't respond he clarified "That's the time of birth". The doctors talked to each other as if I wasn't there, discussing my "bladder dissection" as a example of how to avoid nicking a bladder. The operating doctor didn't say anything to me in the OR at all, in fact I didn't even know who had operated on me until three weeks later.

This was on top of numerous experiences in the lead up to the surgery that led me to file a formal complaint. And to suffer p.t.s.d. I still struggle to deal with symptoms.

As part of my healing process I started researching better cesarean techniques. I was sure that there had to be a way cesareans could be done in a more holistic and psychologically sound manner. I was thrilled to find this article:

The natural caesarean: a woman-centred technique

J Smith,^a F Plaat,^b and NM Fisk^ac

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2613254/

It describes a more holistic cesarean experience, keeping the focus on the family, early contact with mother and baby, allowing the parents to watch the birth and more. The result is much happier mothers. Less trauma more satisfaction.

I was so happy. A team of wise care providers had pioneered the exact type of technique I was thinking about.

And then I started talking about it on the "natural birth" type forums I was frequenting. Instead of embracing this "woman centred" cesarean the idea was attacked. And I was attacked for championing the idea. I was accused of promoting elective cesareans, being complacent to the cesarean epidemic, and told I lacked integrity. Let me tell you it was a shock, especially as a new cesarean mother suffering greatly due to the non woman centred protocols I endured.

Two concepts seem to really offend. First, the term "natural cesarean" that just gets so many folks nickers in a twist. "Cesarean aren't natural" they proclaim. One blogger says

Natural caesarean section? CODSWALLOP!

The other is that the article describes a technique for elective cesarean surgery. Apparently this is an evil that haunts many birth advocates. The fact that the article clearly states that these techniques can be modified for the emergency situation. Obviously a emergency section mother is not going to tour the OR before hand, but they could still have the screen lowered to view their babies birth. Makes sense to me.

When I saw this post at Lamaze's Science and Sensibility by Kimmelin Hull got me all bothered all over again. I would summarize the authors stance as this: Doing cesareans in a more woman centred way is too risky as it might further increase an all ready unhealthy cesarean rate. The author quotes a doctor as calling gentle cesarean techniques "window dressing".

Are you freaking kidding me!

These are harm reduction techniques not fluffy inconsequential stuff.

I wrote the following response:

I believe that ALL cesarean should be done in a better, more human way. To imply that making them more “natural” will result in more women picking them I think is not giving women enough credit. As you point out no matter how humanly a cesarean is done it is still major surgery with potentially life long implications.

I also believe that one of the reasons that woman choose repeat sections is that their first section was not the experience the wanted and they believe, and are often told, that a planned section is much better then a emergent one. Perhaps if the initial sections were not so trauma inducing women would be emotionally more ready to choose a vaginal birth next time.

It seems wrong to not do what ever we can to promote emotional health of the mothers and babies, and I firmly believe that every care provider should be striving for the most holistic birth possible, even if that ends up being a “natural cesarean”. Emotional health is a part of birth that is often an after thought,but it shouldn't be. I believe doing woman friendly cesarean can help avoid the increasing cases of p.t.s.d., a debilitation and potentially long term health issue.

One of the saving graces of my sons emergency c.s. is that he was placed skin to skin in the OR with me. It a moment that I use to help balance the rest of my experience which was very non “natural cesarean”.

Many other woman agreed with these sentiments and many adding their our outrage. Still the author didn't back down defending her position by referring to a fictitious woman who is exhausted and not progressing, who given more support and time could have had a vaginal delivery but is convinced by a doctor to let them do the c.s. by promising low lighting and music.

Sorry but I think this is total B.S. Woman are convinced by doctors to have cesareans because they are told their babies could be in danger. I haven't met one unplanned cesarean mother who wasn't told some version of "it's better for the baby" to have surgery.

I followed up with this post:

@Jane “Failing to fully get behind efforts to make c-sections less traumatizing and unpleasant for mothers and babies is just disappointing and wrong” I totally agree! Thank you for your post.

If this topic were a way to make cesareans physically safer there would be no debate.

A technique to prevent maternal deaths from cesareans would be embraced. I really can’t see how can any birth advocate justify denying “gentle” or “natural” cesarean techniques . I recently read that p.p.d. and p.s.t.d. can result in suicide. It is also reported that cesarean mothers are at greater risk for these disorders. I feel it’s not too far fetched to infer that:

protocols that lessen the trauma experienced during a cesarean is life or death matter.

I think it’s terribly harmful to try to prevent the dissemination of good information in suppressing “natural cesarean” techniques simply because of fear and a misguided attempt to influence the cesarean epidemic this way.

To me the natural, woman friendly, family centred, or gentle cesarean is a topic that should be addressed outside of the debate as to how to reverse the tide of the dramatic overuse of cesarean sections in the developed world.

Empowered women make good choices, not women living in fear of outdated protocols.

Think of how ridiculous it would seem if home birth advocates were calling for routine separation of mothers and babies in hospital to try to convince woman to home birth.

It is misguided to defend leaving cesarean protocols as they are as woman are being harmed.

I’m ashamed to hear otherwise wise birth advocates(both here and in other forums) bowing to fear and trying to prevent harm reduction techniques

I didn't get a direct response from the author to either of my posts, but feel so glad to see the number of women who also stood up for this very necessary dissemination of information.

Okay, I feel a little less bothered now. I guess that's what's really great about blogging is you get to say your piece.

Here's hoping that we can come together to better the treatment of families during cesareans.

One year later...

Cesarean awareness month has come to an end and I am curious to see that it has been a year since I posted about my skin to skin experience in the O.R. SEE HERE

This post by far gets the most hits of any post on my blog, with dozens of people from all over the globe viewing it daily.

Of all the hard things about my little son's birth, (which is in a couple of days!) I am grateful that there are good things too. It makes me feel a sense of purpose to have a way to positively influence births. I hope that by letting the world view us in our first meeting we will help other mothers and babies meet each other sooner.

I have hear that the first two years after a traumatic birth are the hardest. So I'm almost there. Please wish me luck.

Total Support Pillows

I totally love this idea.

Cesarean Support Pillows

From the ICAN blog http://blog.ican-online.org/2011/04/09/new-ican-support-pillows/

"ICAN debuted our newest support offering at our 2011 Conference in St. Louis. Designed by talented ICANer Mallory Brock from a concept by Education Director Krista Cornish Scott, this fabric can be ordered by the yard directly from www.spoonflower.com with a portion of the sales going to ICAN. One yard of fabric makes three support pillows. A caring and thoughtful gift for a mom recovering from a cesarean, it has both practical advice and emotional support that is the hallmark of ICAN."

I'm ordering two yards right now to make up pillows for cesarean moms in my community.

The words of the back are particularly wonderful... the one that is sticking in my mind is something like: It's normal to have more then one emotion about a single event"

How true, my littlest son's birth was both a amazing magical moment and a source of deep trauma.

These pillows will support in many ways. I believe that physical and emotional recovery needs to be active and almost violent, the same way an aggressive surgery is.

A wise friend of mine reminded me that

Sometimes you ave to meet the fire with your own heat.

All That Matters is a Healthy Mother?

We have all heard it time and time again the many versions of:
"all that matters is you have a healthy baby".

Often I found this to be in response to people finding out that my newest son had been born by unplanned cesarean section. But I also found that a version of this phrase was tossed out when I talked to birth professionals about the lack of prenatal information about cesarean avoidance and/or preparation.

I once suggested that women should be given more information about their risk versus the unborn baby's risks of cesareans. The response I got was:
"Most mothers would say to do what ever it takes to get the baby out safely".

I felt like I was being chastised for suggesting that I might choose their safety of myself over the safety of my baby. I quickly dropped the subject. But months later I think.
Am I really the only one who would choose me?

Through out my pregnancy my greatest fear was that I would die in childbirth and leave my older son motherless. I no longer do many of the more risky things my pre-mother self did and I felt that I had taken on a risk in being pregnant and giving birth that was unfairly exposing the mother of my son to potential harm.
Apparently this fear is fairly common in second time mothers.

I would look at my 8 year old and imagine the life he would have without me and how much emotional damage would be done to him if I didn't make it though the pregnancy and birth.
I should also note that this fear was greatly enhanced by contracting H1N1 at about 30 weeks.

If I had been asked who's life should be protected first I would have picked my sweet eight year old's mama (me) over the baby in my belly, who is now my beautiful 2 year old son. Yup it might sound terrible to say but it's true.

And I don't say that lightly-but if it had to be one of us, I would take on the pain of loosing a child to protect my other child from the pain of loosing his mom.
And I know it would be awful.
I was there for one of my best friends when she lost her newborn. I grieved along with her and saw the total and horrible sadness that consumed and transformed her. Her life was never the same. She is a very different woman because of the loss of her new baby.

Maybe I am the only one. Maybe I am driven by a subconscious selfishness that I have justified to myself. But I will stand by my assertion that we should be given a choice in who's health is the most important.

Would I give up my newest son to avoid the P.T.S.D. that I endure because of his birth, no way.
But for example...
Should a women with her heart set on a very large family have the right to decline a cesarean for fetal distress knowing it could put future pregnancies at risk?

There are so many different scenarios. So many different risks and wants and beliefs. Should we be informed and be able to choose for ourselves?

Am I crazy to think that many there should be a box to check that says "Protect me first"?

I'm going to end with a phrase we are starting to hear more...

Mother's Matter Too

(Almost) Wordless Wednessday

Along the Journey

I haven't been in the birth community in a while. And I feel so blessed to come back to find a beautiful blog post that made me feel just the type of support I needed.
Healing is hard. Dealing is hard.
Trying to savour these last few days of true babyhood that my 22 month old takes concentration.
Knowing there are many mama's out there getting it done is more inspiring then anything else.
Happy Womens Day All.

Here's the post that felt like a great big hug... thanks Avital

"CESAREAN COURAGE"

http://avital.blogspot.com/2011/01/cesarean-courage.html#axzz1G2HPkQra

PTSD and Me.

I've seen a few post around the 'net in the last little while about PSTD caused by childbirth. Two years ago if you had asked me what post traumatic stress disorder was I would have told you that it was what happened to people who were involved in combat or violent crime.

Now I know differently.

For me it started almost immediately. Within hours of my baby's birth if I would fall asleep for even a moment I would be shocked back awake by violent dreams, mostly about people killing my baby. I wont go into details, but they were so awful that I didn't sleep at all for over 30 hours. No sleep at all despite 12 hours of labour followed by surgical birth. Finally, I literally passed out and slept dream free for a few hours only to wake up in a panic as my baby wasn't beside me. And when I say "panic" I mean I had what I believe to be the first anxiety attack I've ever had. Heart racing, cold sweats, nausea, and terrible fear. I quickly discovered I had to be in physical contact with my baby to feel even the slightest bit grounded.

Part of this reaction was likely due to the large amounts of morphine I had been given. Looking at my records I see that I was given hydromorph twice when I thought I was getting tylanol and that was on top of the 48 hours worth of morphine put through the epi line at the end of my cesarean. Some people feel awesome on morphine, I'm not one of them. My sister who came to see me in the hospital, on day two, realized what was happening, as she too reacts badly to opiates, can't sleep, lots of nightmares. But the other reason I was having these feelings was a much more complex issue I would eventually learn was my very own p.t.s.d.

I thought things would be better if I could just get out of the hospital and go home. I remember being very aware of "looking the part". I got into my flower flannel pajamas, and walked circles in the ward to prove I was ready to go home. The doctor agreed and I was free to take my baby home.

Unfortunately, things didn't get better. While the drug induced nightmares lessened, I was still plagued nightly by disconcerting dreams of birthing in dirty, public places or being chased by blue clad people through halls that turned Esher-like into themselves. Toss in the odd full blown hunted by a serial killer dream, and I found that most mornings I awoke in tears.

I also had a desperate need to be near my baby. I couldn't bear him to be out of my sight, or panic would start to set in. Yet strangely I didn't feel bonded to him in the way I had with my first born. While I needed him near me I didn't have any of the blissful gazing moments I had had naturally with my first son. In fact I had to remind myself to smile at him and talk to him and love him in the way I knew he deserved. I feel eternally grateful that his traumatic birth was not my first baby as I was able to recognize early that I wasn't bonding normally and actively work on bonding techniques. (I'll devote a whole post to that some time soon!)

I tried to find a way through this confusing time. I had a huge need to talk about what had happened to me. I needed to try to piece together what had occurred. I tracked down my primary care provider who was able to answer some of my questions and helped me fill in some of the information I needed. It made me feel better to know the details and not have a hole in my understanding of the first few moments of my son's life, but some of it made me angry as I realized that my experience had been made much worse by needless protocols and a lack of compassionate bedside manners.

The months ticked by. The nightmares continued and other symptoms started to be apparent.
Before my second son's birth I had what I would consider normal protective fear for my children. I would watch at the window while my 9 year old crossed the road to play with the neighbour and I would feel slightly nervous, silently willing him to be careful and watch for cars. Now it is completely different. Now I watch at the window in complete fear with violent images of him being killed by a speeding car flashing through my mind.
Every day I was( and still am) faced with heightened fear. Violent images of my loved ones meeting horrible deaths are hard to keep in check.

I started to search for information on what was happening to me. Soon I was reading about symptoms that sounded just like mine. I found information through ICAN's Recovery pages. You can find their info about PTSD and PPD HERE
http://www.ican-online.org/recovery/postpartum-depression-and-post-traumatic-stress-disorder

I also found on online community called Solace for Mothers http://www.solaceformothers.org/
where many women gather to share their stories and support each other. Unfortunately, I am not alone. Many, many women have ptsd from childbirth, and this online forum is so helpful as it can be really hard when no one understands what you are going through.

Fast forward to 18 months post birth and many sessions with a good councilor. I still have nightmares, but not every night. I still have way more fear then is healthy. I still have anxiety and hyper-vigilance. I still have lost some of the joy in my life to this condition. But I have hope. Hope that I will learn ways to overcome. Hope that one day I will be able to feel normal again. This year my plan is to watch the elementary school concert and NOT jump up to grab my kids and run when the grade ones stand up to sing a holiday song.

Some times I wonder why did my cesarean birthing experience result in ptsd for me when so many other women don't suffer from this.
In the thinking I have done about this I have come up with the facts that I am a very sensitive human. I am often struck by how much more information I receive then others close to me. Often this has been a great gift but when in a traumatic situation perhaps having such highly open senses may not be a good thing. I also have a extremely precise memory for what people say and do. (I got by in university by going to class, if heard the prof say it chances were high I would remember it, -sure beat studying) These are the attributes that I think lead me to be more susceptible.

I have read that some people think that some women are more likely to get ptsd because of previous experiences. This bothers me because who has had the perfect life? By the time we are of child bearing age who hasn't had their share of heartache and pain? Maybe for some prior traumas may add to their risk, but my own experience is that even a normal life can lead to reacting to birth trauma in this way.

Well thats my little bit on that. I hope that it is helpful to some.

I would like to end with this;
PLEASE If you are suffering don't suffer alone. Reach out. It's hard, you may have to reach out more then once ( I did), but when you start to find a way to feel better it will be worth it.

Resolution

There are these moments in my life when I feel a little push from the devine. Sometimes it's a gentle nudge in the right direction, sometimes it's a unwelcome shove that sends me into a momentary free fall.

I was just reminded about one of these moments. In the fall of last year I had written a "Review of my Birthing Experience" and was contemplating what to do with it. While I felt that it should be read by the care providers at the hospital I had delivered at it was extremely difficult to face the idea that numerous people would examine me again. No, not physically, but psychologically-I knew my experience would be reviewed and dissected by many, many people. I would never meet these people or even learn their names. I knew I would be criticised.
And worse then anything else, I would never know the truth about what was said about me behind those closed doors. And so I did nothing. I left my "Review" in a file and tried to move on with my life.

And then I picked up the paper in a coffee shop one day in December and on the cover was a picture of a vibrant young mother and her baby. The mother was a doctor who had spent her career delivering babies and her baby was born the same month as my baby at the same hospital. The story in the paper told of their death in a plane crash. Tears jumped to my eyes.

The next day I sent the review to the complaint department of the hospital.

Life is short. Life is too short to wait for another day for anything.

I read that this young mother/doctor had great faith in the hospital I delivered at and I'm sure she would want it to be the best it possibly can be. Criticism is a great motivator for change.
So in saying prayers for her family, and sending my review I tried to honour her life.

Dealing with the complaint wasn't fun, it didn't make me feel better, in fact in many ways I felt worse, but it was a push towards more positive births. By providing my feedback to those who cared for me I can only hope that there were ripples of change.

I believe saying our truths can be one of the hardest things and also the most important.

I was sent this in an email;

"Finding strategies to heal and integrate the experience in your truth takes time, energy and resolution."

And so, by chance yesterday, I found myself reading about that mother and her baby again;
lives lost reminding me to take a breath and feel my resolution.

WOW

I feel almost out of touch with my blog, like a friend that I haven't had a chance to call.

I am desperate to review Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy by Laura Keegan.

I'd explain all the things I have going on that are keeping me from writing , but that would only take time away from what I need to say which is that

I AM FEELING SO HOPEFUL!!! Change is a coming I can feel it in the wind.

Last night I was in a room with Suzanne Arms (of Immaculate Deception and so much more)
Gloria Lemay, Jennifer Block (of Pushed), Helene Vadeboncoeur (of Birthing Normally after a caesarean or two), along with other activists, doulas, midwives, lacivists, intactivists, mothers who home birthed, hospital birthed, elective cesarean birthed, and 4 babies.

I could feel the cogs shifting, the universal work being done. Women are so powerful, we just have to take hold of it and NEVER LET GO AGAIN!

I must go, I have a 200+ to do list but I had to stop in and share my joy.

After august I'll fill in all the details.

What About Dads?

So it's almost father's day and I have been thinking about Dad's role during cesarean births, or for that matter all births.
In general in the last 35 years fathers have had an increasing role in the birth of their children. Gone are the days when gentlemen waited at home or in hospital waiting rooms cigar in hand. Now fathers are most commonly in the birthing room being with their partner while their new family member arrives.

The one exception to this rule seems to be father's who's babies are delivered by cesarean section while the mother is under general anesthetic. I can't seem to find any documented medical reason why this is so. In fact, I have found numerous reference to the difficult time families have after these types of births, because father's are mourning the loss of witnessing their babies arrival and the mother's fighting the irrational feeling that the baby they are given is not really theirs. I would like to issue a plea to hospitals every where:
PLEASE LET THE DADS IN.
Not only will this solve the problem of them missing their child's birth, but studies have shown that having someone take pictures during these types of births and later telling the details of the birth of their child can really help the mother's emotional healing and promote proper bonding. Who better to do this then the father?

I sure needed my partner with me during my birthing experience. In fact, one of the worst parts of my second son's birth was when I had been moved to the OR with the understanding that baby needed out quick and that a instrument delivery was likely, or perhaps a cesarean. I was alone (except for the room full of blue clad people!) when the doctor made the call to operate. I so needed my partner, but he was still in the hall waiting to be given permission to enter. He was upset and I was upset. Why couldn't he have been with me when this life changing decision was made?

I remember now the child birth class we took together and while we were talking about cesarean births the instructor told the partners "Don't be afraid to sound like a broken record by saying "When can mom see the baby?" Ask often , ask everyone, keep asking until it happens. As you know if you have read my previous post, we were lucky enough to have this not be an issue for us, but I have heard so very many stories of women waiting hours to see their new babies. So dads: KEEP ASKING FOR BABY TO BE WITH THEIR MOM.

I came across this post: "Delivery Room Football" by Dr. Emmett Miller describing the scene when after his wife's unexpected cesarean delivery. The pediatric team was getting ready to take his baby daughter away to the nursery before mom had even seen her. “Nobody’s leaving this room with that child!” he declared .“You’ll have to sign papers saying that you’re taking this child against medical advice!” countered the doctor holding the baby.
He recalls: "I imagine that if I had not been an experienced physician, I might have faltered long enough for him to succeed in an end run after all. But I had delivered enough babies to know that this one was in no immediate danger. A moment later, Lauren was there on her mother’s arm nuzzling for the breast."

You can read his whole story here:
http://www.thewellspring.com/flex/birth/2688/delivery-room-football-by-emmett-miller-md.cfm

While not many of us have medical professionals for partners , we can still advocate for mother baby contact, and if that is not possible then skin to skin with father is the next best thing.

A study from Sweden called:Skin-to-skin care with the father after cesarean birth and its effect on newborn crying and prefeeding behavior. concluded:
"The infants in the skin-to-skin group were comforted, that is, they stopped crying, became calmer, and reached a drowsy state earlier than the infants in the cot group. The father can facilitate the development of the infant's prefeeding behavior in this important period of the newborn infant's life and should thus be regarded as the primary caregiver for the infant during the separation of mother and baby."

The role of father's, like all elements of birthing, I believe is in need of greater understanding soI strongly urge you to visit:
http://theothersideoftheglassthefilm.blogspot.com/
"THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GLASS"
This is the site of the first birth empowerment film for fathers. Just the trailer made me want to cry. This film highlights the problems with the way father's are pushed aside and babies and mothers are subjected to unnecessary and practically violent procedures. Please go to the site. There is a chance to get an advance copy and help get this film finished.

So that covers what I have found out, so far, about dad's and with the birthing process. I know there is so much more to learn. Before I finish this post I wanted to add that dad's are not just helpers or extra people at the birth of their children. Birth can have a profound impact of fathers both in a positive or negative way, especially if the birth is difficult, as many cesareans are. Here is a link to a post partum dad's site:
http://postpartumdadsproject.org/ If you are a dad and are having a difficult time since the birth of your child you are not alone. Reach out to others who understand what you are going through.

We all have the chance to reach for greater and better births for every member of the family
so let's spread the word. Educate yourself, educate each other. Share your stories and a very HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all.

Skin to Skin in the OR

In honour of the end of Cesarean Awareness Month, I am posting this picture of my brand new baby, less then ten minutes after his emergency cesarean delivery. As you can see we are skin to skin in the OR. I had no idea how special this was until I started learning more about cesareans. Now I know that, although it should be, having baby placed naked on it's mamas chest is not common practice. I was very lucky to have care providers that made this happen. When I see cesareans on TV ( yes sometimes I am foolish enough to watch "those" birth shows) I am saddened to see babies being excessively handled. Silly things are done, such as having foot prints taken, diapering, and tight swaddling, all before baby gets to meet their mom.

So fellow mothers and fathers, ask for your babies. Don't be afraid to speak up. If your baby is stable there is no reason not to meet them in their birth day suits. One of the most empowering moments of my crazy birth was having the chance to answer "No Diaper".

EDITED 2014 *I have received numerous requests to use this photo for educational purposes.  To this note I give permission for this image to be used for educational purposes in regards to promoting skin to skin contact in the OR during cesarean births.  The photo must be credited to cesareanparents.blogspot.com also the use of this photo must be reported in the comment section of this post.  At any time I reserve the right to revoke this permission. THANK YOU for your interest in this subject.

Abbie Dorn

I am saying a prayer for Abbie Dorn.

I read the paper at the coffee shop the other day and there on page 11 a tiny blurb:

"Abbie Dorn's parents are fighting for her right to see her children. She was left unable to move or speak after a botched delivery of triplets in 2006."

"Botched delivery of triplets" I knew that could mean only one thing:cesarean.

A quick web search led me to:

LOS ANGELES -- A Myrtle Beach mother who is unable to move or speak - and possibly to understand - is the focus of an unusual, emotional court case to decide if she has visitation rights with her 3-year-old triplets. (http://www.thesunnews.com/2010/04/22/1435062/visitation-right-sought-for-disabled.html)

More in depth article called : "Severely disabled, is she still a mom"

Severely disabled, is she still a mom? Battle nears over visitation rights of a woman injured in childbirth April 11, 2010|By Maria L. La Ganga

Sure enough one of the articles refers to the doctor accidentally "nicking" her uterus causing massive bleeding and resulting in brain damage. I can't find any mention to "cesarean" but I can't imagine her uterus was nicked any other way.

There is mention that she won a 7.8 million dollar medical malpractice suit.

She can no longer move or talk. Her parents believe she communicates through long blinks and tears. Her ex-husband believes she is vegetative. Abbie's parents and her ex. are in court battling over whether or not she has the right to visitation with her children. So very sad.

There are so many facets to her story, but as this is a cesarean blog I'm going to comment on that.

I can't find anything about her birth story. Does anyone know what happened?

I like to hope that her cesarean was necessary. I'd like to believe that she had a trial of labour and the "difficult delivery of the third baby" refers to a emergency situation.

I hope the surgery wasn't done "just in case", or "to ensure nothing happens to the babies".

I'd like to believe that this medical mishap was come to honestly. That there was good reason to deliver her babies surgically. Mistakes do happen.

I'd like to believe that Abbie was given the chance to birth her babies naturally .

I'd like to believe these things, but I would probably be wrong.

Everyday women are told that the only way to safely deliver multiples is by cesarean.

States one article:

"While for triplets and higher-grade multiples caesarean section is the first-line mode of delivery" http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17440267

And another asks:

"Is vaginal delivery in twin pregnancy still an option?" http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19570620

The thing that I find, again and again, is that there are only a few small studies on any birth topic. Risks to the babies seem to be the primary concern. Risks to moms seems to be unexplored.

One thing I know I can believe is that we can birth babies naturally, even multiples. Just because we are being advised against it by the medical establishment does not mean that there is no other way.

Here is an inspiring video about twins and triplets birthed naturally:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E-wULAaD50


And so Abbie Dorn I say a prayer for you. I hope you have peace in your heart.
I pray that you see your children soon.

New York Hospital Changing Policies.

I just read this great article I got through the ICAN Blog.


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/20/nyregion/20bigcity.html?hp

It's a New York Times article about two hospitals on Staten Island, one with an increasing cesarean rate and the other with a declining rate.

The article talks about the fact that many hospitals pay lip service to the fact that the cesarean rate is dangerously high, but have not taken dramatic steps to reduce them.

The article gives credit to Dr. Mitchell A. Maiman, the chairman of the obstetrics and gynecology department the one of the two hospitals, Staten Island University Hospital, for building the goal of cesarean reduction into policy.

Some of the things that they are doing...

Dr. Maiman and his colleagues do not allow unnecessary inductions for first-time pregnancies at any point before the 41st week.

They also do not allow C-sections for no reason other than the mother wants one, stating:
“I find that most of the time, if you explain to a mother you’ll recover faster, it’s safer,” he said, “then most women will choose a vaginal delivery.”

I found that the following quote from the article to be important as it illuminates the fact that women rarely request cesareans if given good information.

"Mother-demanded C-sections are unusual enough that the policy is probably more useful to Dr. Maiman for the message it sends to doctors and patients..." (bold mine)

Dr. Maiman actively encourages VBACs. -YAY!

And I love this one:

Residents are trained not only to avoid unnecessary C-sections, but to let higher-ups know if they witness another doctor about to perform one. -Go Dr.Maiman!

Change only happens when we DO!

Woman to Woman Videos

So I've been watching some fabulous videos from Birth Matters Virginia's Video contest winners.

I particularly responded to this one called

Prevent Cesarean Surgery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxRmVciXy-g
It just says it so well. I love that these videos are made by women for women.

Here is the link to the Birth Matter's page containing all of the finalists:
http://www.birthmattersva.org/videocontest.html

So many passionate women. It make me feel hopeful to find these beautifully strong voices.
It strikes me that, like a choir, our voices are stronger and fuller together.
Each one of us adding to the harmony.

My Story, blogs and

Finally a moment to myself (hmm and the whole wide world I guess...)

I've been really wanting to write lately and have found that I just haven't been able to fit it in.
The reasons seem to be both physical and mental. My 11 month old slept a whole 17 minutes today- all in the car seat. Can't multi-task much from from there. I'm working on excepting that I'm on the "three year chase" part of having a child, especially a boy!

I surrender to reading the same alphabet book 9 times a day.

It's also spring which for me means garden time. A time when I need to plant and weed and ready the soil. I love growing food in my yard. It makes me feel free and whole to eat things I grow myself. Some day I will start a garden blog as I keep promising all my aspiring gardener friends.

But back to this blog. I feel like I'm turning over a new leaf. I've become more self conscious. When I started posting here I had no idea about the world of blogging. I was frantically researching, trying to get some understanding of this totally surreal thing that had happened to me: the surgical birth of my son.

As I was discovering facts and information I realized I felt a need to make the things I was finding available to others. The idea of blogging came from a woman I went to high school with who has a blog about mothering. She sent me a link to it on facebook. So that's how I got here, my technological foot print.

I thought that I would have to try to get people to read what I wrote, that I would have to send them the link. I'd never heard of"google alerts".

Now I know that there are people out there who are reading what I write and I am humbled.
Thank you for those of you who have stopped by and said hello. You have encouraged me to keep doing and lending my voice to this important issue. I have recently learned that my province has the highest cesarean rate in Canada (30.4% during latest reporting period 2005).
Yikes.

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed by the enormity of the problem. I've become involved in ICAN by starting a local chapter. Meeting women who have faced these same challenges, who are scarred by their babes' birthing.

Wow(okay that is sarcastic hey it's better then a "bad word"), the more I learn about the state of birthing in the world the more dire the situation appears. Thankfully there are many pushing to keep birth holistic and empowering.

I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to cause change, to get the info out there and the result is less productivity. It seems if I want to I could see almost everything as an analogy for birth -the more you surrender the to your own flow the better.

So I do have a couple of half finished posts that I will work, but without guilt in the speed of their arrival. I will not be cynical. I will believe in change.