There are these moments in my life when I feel a little push from the devine. Sometimes it's a gentle nudge in the right direction, sometimes it's a unwelcome shove that sends me into a momentary free fall.
I was just reminded about one of these moments. In the fall of last year I had written a "Review of my Birthing Experience" and was contemplating what to do with it. While I felt that it should be read by the care providers at the hospital I had delivered at it was extremely difficult to face the idea that numerous people would examine me again. No, not physically, but psychologically-I knew my experience would be reviewed and dissected by many, many people. I would never meet these people or even learn their names. I knew I would be criticised.
And worse then anything else, I would never know the truth about what was said about me behind those closed doors. And so I did nothing. I left my "Review" in a file and tried to move on with my life.
And then I picked up the paper in a coffee shop one day in December and on the cover was a picture of a vibrant young mother and her baby. The mother was a doctor who had spent her career delivering babies and her baby was born the same month as my baby at the same hospital. The story in the paper told of their death in a plane crash. Tears jumped to my eyes.
The next day I sent the review to the complaint department of the hospital.
Life is short. Life is too short to wait for another day for anything.
I read that this young mother/doctor had great faith in the hospital I delivered at and I'm sure she would want it to be the best it possibly can be. Criticism is a great motivator for change.
So in saying prayers for her family, and sending my review I tried to honour her life.
Dealing with the complaint wasn't fun, it didn't make me feel better, in fact in many ways I felt worse, but it was a push towards more positive births. By providing my feedback to those who cared for me I can only hope that there were ripples of change.
I believe saying our truths can be one of the hardest things and also the most important.
I was sent this in an email;
"Finding strategies to heal and integrate the experience in your truth takes time, energy and resolution."
And so, by chance yesterday, I found myself reading about that mother and her baby again;
lives lost reminding me to take a breath and feel my resolution.
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