cesareanparentsblog

P.T.S.D. and Me, 2 and A Half Years Later.

2012-01-27T14:58:00.000-08:00

Through exploring birth advocacy I have met women who are dealing with birth trauma. Most show signs of trauma induced anxiety, and some, like me, have p.t.s.d.

I was recently asked by a newly traumatized mother "Does it get better?"

Of course, my first instinct was to say "Yes, it does".

And it is true that the first wave of constant hyper alertness, nightmares, intense fear for yourself and the baby, grief and panic does pass. But does it get better, or just different, was the question I found myself pondering.

The nightmares are less. The obsession about the birth is less. I can get past more of the fear. But the bigger ripples are starting to show up in my life.

I find myself doing somewhat "crazy" things. In fact the last time I was alone with my toddle in the house overnight, we ended up barricaded in his bedroom. Three large switch blades, (I DO live on the side of a mountain so I own these as protection against cougars and bears), a big can of bear spray, and the phone were not enough to make me feel secure. I ended up having to slide the huge heavy dresser across the door in order to sleep at all. I spent much of the night imagining a crazed person breaking in to my house and trying to get in to our room. Should I stand my ground and try to stab him? Use the fire ladder to escape out the window? Spray his face with pepper spray? This was not a great way to spend any night. Never in my life before my little ones eventful birth have I had this type of overwhelming fear. Fear that prompts actions that I don't want to teach my child.

Also my anxiety has caused issues for the health of other members of my family, most notably, my older son. I ended up calling an ambulance for him thinking he was having an asthma attack, and he was, sort of. He had good oxygen levels, but was quite distressed and scared and breathing strangely. After being interviewed by the paramedics, nurses and then doctors it came together that I had freaked out so much over what was most likely a pre teen hormonal moment(acting funny, not responding to what I was saying) that he had been convinced that he was having a major attack and started to feel terrible. Basically I had caused the attack, -not so awesome.

I also have to really fight to stay positive, and not constantly think about the demise and my loved ones, or myself. A bout 10 years ago a good friend, who had had early childhood trauma, told me that when she says goodbye to anyone she cares about she always believes it will be the last time she will see them, Because of this she feels sorrow and fear at all partings. I was shocked, how could she be living with so much sadness? Now, I too have this burden.

So does it get better? Well for me it gets less acute. I have fun now, I enjoy my children, there are many moments when p.t.s.d. is not affecting me. But it has settled deep, and two and a half years later the journey to healing is certainly not over.

The upside of this: I am sure that this journey was one that was given to me with purpose. I am moving in circles with women who I know were meant to be a part of my life. We are working together to help prevent birth trauma and that is a powerful thing.

I am part of a new birth trauma peer support group. Which has a user friendly, yet highly informative website that I would whole heartedly recommend.

http://www.vancouverbirthtrauma.ca/

Here's to healing and helping. And really I think it's fair to say that Yes, It Does Get Better.

Guest Post at Mothers of Change

2011-12-05T12:21:00.000-08:00

I'd like to thank the great team at Mothers of Change for hosting my guest post on updating cesarean protocols. Please have a read and feel free to comment here, or there, especially if you have any suggestions for bettering the cesarean experiences

http://www.mothersofchange.com/2011/12/changing-cesarean-births.html

This post was not only a great oportunity to share information, it got me writing again, something I have been wanting to do for a while now!

"Natural Cesarean" Why the Controversy?

2011-05-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

This tissue has been brewing for me for the last year.

The issue is this; in most hospitals cesarean protocol is antiquated in a number of ways. Routine separation of mother and baby is the norm. Often baby is sent to the nursery, or at best is sent with dad(or partner) to wait for the mama to come out of recovery.

Even at the hospital I birthed at that allowed skin to skin in the OR, and babies in recovery, my perfectly healthy newborn was not shown to me for around ten minutes while he was weighed and measured and tagged, and a medical student practiced a newborn exam on him.

The atmosphere in the OR was "business as usual", cold impersonal, lacking in any "warm fuzzy" feeling at all. I was told my son had been born by having one of the docs declare "1:25" loudly at my face. When I didn't respond he clarified "That's the time of birth". The doctors talked to each other as if I wasn't there, discussing my "bladder dissection" as a example of how to avoid nicking a bladder. The operating doctor didn't say anything to me in the OR at all, in fact I didn't even know who had operated on me until three weeks later.

This was on top of numerous experiences in the lead up to the surgery that led me to file a formal complaint. And to suffer p.t.s.d. I still struggle to deal with symptoms.

As part of my healing process I started researching better cesarean techniques. I was sure that there had to be a way cesareans could be done in a more holistic and psychologically sound manner. I was thrilled to find this article:

The natural caesarean: a woman-centred technique

J Smith,^a F Plaat,^b and NM Fisk^a^c

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2613254/

It describes a more holistic cesarean experience, keeping the focus on the family, early contact with mother and baby, allowing the parents to watch the birth and more. The result is much happier mothers. Less trauma more satisfaction.

I was so happy. A team of wise care providers had pioneered the exact type of technique I was thinking about.

And then I started talking about it on the "natural birth" type forums I was frequenting. Instead of embracing this "woman centred" cesarean the idea was attacked. And I was attacked for championing the idea. I was accused of promoting elective cesareans, being complacent to the cesarean epidemic, and told I lacked integrity. Let me tell you it was a shock, especially as a new cesarean mother suffering greatly due to the non woman centred protocols I endured.

Two concepts seem to really offend. First, the term "natural cesarean" that just gets so many folks nickers in a twist. "Cesarean aren't natural" they proclaim. One blogger says

Natural caesarean section? CODSWALLOP!

The other is that the article describes a technique for elective cesarean surgery. Apparently this is an evil that haunts many birth advocates. The fact that the article clearly states that these techniques can be modified for the emergency situation. Obviously a emergency section mother is not going to tour the OR before hand, but they could still have the screen lowered to view their babies birth. Makes sense to me.

When I saw this post at Lamaze's Science and Sensibility by Kimmelin Hull got me all bothered all over again. I would summarize the authors stance as this: Doing cesareans in a more woman centred way is too risky as it might further increase an all ready unhealthy cesarean rate. The author quotes a doctor as calling gentle cesarean techniques "window dressing".

Are you freaking kidding me!

These are harm reduction techniques not fluffy inconsequential stuff.

I wrote the following response:

I believe that ALL cesarean should be done in a better, more human way. To imply that making them more “natural” will result in more women picking them I think is not giving women enough credit. As you point out no matter how humanly a cesarean is done it is still major surgery with potentially life long implications.

I also believe that one of the reasons that woman choose repeat sections is that their first section was not the experience the wanted and they believe, and are often told, that a planned section is much better then a emergent one. Perhaps if the initial sections were not so trauma inducing women would be emotionally more ready to choose a vaginal birth next time.

It seems wrong to not do what ever we can to promote emotional health of the mothers and babies, and I firmly believe that every care provider should be striving for the most holistic birth possible, even if that ends up being a “natural cesarean”. Emotional health is a part of birth that is often an after thought,but it shouldn't be. I believe doing woman friendly cesarean can help avoid the increasing cases of p.t.s.d., a debilitation and potentially long term health issue.

One of the saving graces of my sons emergency c.s. is that he was placed skin to skin in the OR with me. It a moment that I use to help balance the rest of my experience which was very non “natural cesarean”.

Many other woman agreed with these sentiments and many adding their our outrage. Still the author didn't back down defending her position by referring to a fictitious woman who is exhausted and not progressing, who given more support and time could have had a vaginal delivery but is convinced by a doctor to let them do the c.s. by promising low lighting and music.

Sorry but I think this is total B.S. Woman are convinced by doctors to have cesareans because they are told their babies could be in danger. I haven't met one unplanned cesarean mother who wasn't told some version of "it's better for the baby" to have surgery.

I followed up with this post:

@Jane “Failing to fully get behind efforts to make c-sections less traumatizing and unpleasant for mothers and babies is just disappointing and wrong” I totally agree! Thank you for your post.

If this topic were a way to make cesareans physically safer there would be no debate.

A technique to prevent maternal deaths from cesareans would be embraced. I really can’t see how can any birth advocate justify denying “gentle” or “natural” cesarean techniques . I recently read that p.p.d. and p.s.t.d. can result in suicide. It is also reported that cesarean mothers are at greater risk for these disorders. I feel it’s not too far fetched to infer that:

protocols that lessen the trauma experienced during a cesarean is life or death matter.

I think it’s terribly harmful to try to prevent the dissemination of good information in suppressing “natural cesarean” techniques simply because of fear and a misguided attempt to influence the cesarean epidemic this way.

To me the natural, woman friendly, family centred, or gentle cesarean is a topic that should be addressed outside of the debate as to how to reverse the tide of the dramatic overuse of cesarean sections in the developed world.

Empowered women make good choices, not women living in fear of outdated protocols.

Think of how ridiculous it would seem if home birth advocates were calling for routine separation of mothers and babies in hospital to try to convince woman to home birth.

It is misguided to defend leaving cesarean protocols as they are as woman are being harmed.

I’m ashamed to hear otherwise wise birth advocates(both here and in other forums) bowing to fear and trying to prevent harm reduction techniques

I didn't get a direct response from the author to either of my posts, but feel so glad to see the number of women who also stood up for this very necessary dissemination of information.

Okay, I feel a little less bothered now. I guess that's what's really great about blogging is you get to say your piece.

Here's hoping that we can come together to better the treatment of families during cesareans.

One year later...

2011-05-02T21:16:00.001-07:00

Cesarean awareness month has come to an end and I am curious to see that it has been a year since I posted about my skin to skin experience in the O.R. SEE HERE

This post by far gets the most hits of any post on my blog, with dozens of people from all over the globe viewing it daily.

Of all the hard things about my little son's birth, (which is in a couple of days!) I am grateful that there are good things too. It makes me feel a sense of purpose to have a way to positively influence births. I hope that by letting the world view us in our first meeting we will help other mothers and babies meet each other sooner.

I have hear that the first two years after a traumatic birth are the hardest. So I'm almost there. Please wish me luck.

Total Support Pillows

2011-04-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

I totally love this idea.

Cesarean Support Pillows

From the ICAN blog http://blog.ican-online.org/2011/04/09/new-ican-support-pillows/

"ICAN debuted our newest support offering at our 2011 Conference in St. Louis. Designed by talented ICANer Mallory Brock from a concept by Education Director Krista Cornish Scott, this fabric can be ordered by the yard directly from www.spoonflower.com with a portion of the sales going to ICAN. One yard of fabric makes three support pillows. A caring and thoughtful gift for a mom recovering from a cesarean, it has both practical advice and emotional support that is the hallmark of ICAN."

I'm ordering two yards right now to make up pillows for cesarean moms in my community.

The words of the back are particularly wonderful... the one that is sticking in my mind is something like: It's normal to have more then one emotion about a single event"

How true, my littlest son's birth was both a amazing magical moment and a source of deep trauma.

These pillows will support in many ways. I believe that physical and emotional recovery needs to be active and almost violent, the same way an aggressive surgery is.

A wise friend of mine reminded me that

Sometimes you ave to meet the fire with your own heat.

All That Matters is a Healthy Mother?

2011-03-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

We have all heard it time and time again the many versions of:
"all that matters is you have a healthy baby".

Often I found this to be in response to people finding out that my newest son had been born by unplanned cesarean section. But I also found that a version of this phrase was tossed out when I talked to birth professionals about the lack of prenatal information about cesarean avoidance and/or preparation.

I once suggested that women should be given more information about their risk versus the unborn baby's risks of cesareans. The response I got was:
"Most mothers would say to do what ever it takes to get the baby out safely".

I felt like I was being chastised for suggesting that I might choose their safety of myself over the safety of my baby. I quickly dropped the subject. But months later I think.
Am I really the only one who would choose me?

Through out my pregnancy my greatest fear was that I would die in childbirth and leave my older son motherless. I no longer do many of the more risky things my pre-mother self did and I felt that I had taken on a risk in being pregnant and giving birth that was unfairly exposing the mother of my son to potential harm.
Apparently this fear is fairly common in second time mothers.

I would look at my 8 year old and imagine the life he would have without me and how much emotional damage would be done to him if I didn't make it though the pregnancy and birth.
I should also note that this fear was greatly enhanced by contracting H1N1 at about 30 weeks.

If I had been asked who's life should be protected first I would have picked my sweet eight year old's mama (me) over the baby in my belly, who is now my beautiful 2 year old son. Yup it might sound terrible to say but it's true.

And I don't say that lightly-but if it had to be one of us, I would take on the pain of loosing a child to protect my other child from the pain of loosing his mom.
And I know it would be awful.
I was there for one of my best friends when she lost her newborn. I grieved along with her and saw the total and horrible sadness that consumed and transformed her. Her life was never the same. She is a very different woman because of the loss of her new baby.

Maybe I am the only one. Maybe I am driven by a subconscious selfishness that I have justified to myself. But I will stand by my assertion that we should be given a choice in who's health is the most important.

Would I give up my newest son to avoid the P.T.S.D. that I endure because of his birth, no way.
But for example...
Should a women with her heart set on a very large family have the right to decline a cesarean for fetal distress knowing it could put future pregnancies at risk?

There are so many different scenarios. So many different risks and wants and beliefs. Should we be informed and be able to choose for ourselves?

Am I crazy to think that many there should be a box to check that says "Protect me first"?

I'm going to end with a phrase we are starting to hear more...

Mother's Matter Too

(Almost) Wordless Wednessday

2011-03-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

Along the Journey

2011-03-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't been in the birth community in a while. And I feel so blessed to come back to find a beautiful blog post that made me feel just the type of support I needed.
Healing is hard. Dealing is hard.
Trying to savour these last few days of true babyhood that my 22 month old takes concentration.
Knowing there are many mama's out there getting it done is more inspiring then anything else.
Happy Womens Day All.

Here's the post that felt like a great big hug... thanks Avital

"CESAREAN COURAGE"

http://avital.blogspot.com/2011/01/cesarean-courage.html#axzz1G2HPkQra

PTSD and Me.

2010-11-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

I've seen a few post around the 'net in the last little while about PSTD caused by childbirth. Two years ago if you had asked me what post traumatic stress disorder was I would have told you that it was what happened to people who were involved in combat or violent crime.

Now I know differently.

For me it started almost immediately. Within hours of my baby's birth if I would fall asleep for even a moment I would be shocked back awake by violent dreams, mostly about people killing my baby. I wont go into details, but they were so awful that I didn't sleep at all for over 30 hours. No sleep at all despite 12 hours of labour followed by surgical birth. Finally, I literally passed out and slept dream free for a few hours only to wake up in a panic as my baby wasn't beside me. And when I say "panic" I mean I had what I believe to be the first anxiety attack I've ever had. Heart racing, cold sweats, nausea, and terrible fear. I quickly discovered I had to be in physical contact with my baby to feel even the slightest bit grounded.

Part of this reaction was likely due to the large amounts of morphine I had been given. Looking at my records I see that I was given hydromorph twice when I thought I was getting tylanol and that was on top of the 48 hours worth of morphine put through the epi line at the end of my cesarean. Some people feel awesome on morphine, I'm not one of them. My sister who came to see me in the hospital, on day two, realized what was happening, as she too reacts badly to opiates, can't sleep, lots of nightmares. But the other reason I was having these feelings was a much more complex issue I would eventually learn was my very own p.t.s.d.

I thought things would be better if I could just get out of the hospital and go home. I remember being very aware of "looking the part". I got into my flower flannel pajamas, and walked circles in the ward to prove I was ready to go home. The doctor agreed and I was free to take my baby home.

Unfortunately, things didn't get better. While the drug induced nightmares lessened, I was still plagued nightly by disconcerting dreams of birthing in dirty, public places or being chased by blue clad people through halls that turned Esher-like into themselves. Toss in the odd full blown hunted by a serial killer dream, and I found that most mornings I awoke in tears.

I also had a desperate need to be near my baby. I couldn't bear him to be out of my sight, or panic would start to set in. Yet strangely I didn't feel bonded to him in the way I had with my first born. While I needed him near me I didn't have any of the blissful gazing moments I had had naturally with my first son. In fact I had to remind myself to smile at him and talk to him and love him in the way I knew he deserved. I feel eternally grateful that his traumatic birth was not my first baby as I was able to recognize early that I wasn't bonding normally and actively work on bonding techniques. (I'll devote a whole post to that some time soon!)

I tried to find a way through this confusing time. I had a huge need to talk about what had happened to me. I needed to try to piece together what had occurred. I tracked down my primary care provider who was able to answer some of my questions and helped me fill in some of the information I needed. It made me feel better to know the details and not have a hole in my understanding of the first few moments of my son's life, but some of it made me angry as I realized that my experience had been made much worse by needless protocols and a lack of compassionate bedside manners.

The months ticked by. The nightmares continued and other symptoms started to be apparent.
Before my second son's birth I had what I would consider normal protective fear for my children. I would watch at the window while my 9 year old crossed the road to play with the neighbour and I would feel slightly nervous, silently willing him to be careful and watch for cars. Now it is completely different. Now I watch at the window in complete fear with violent images of him being killed by a speeding car flashing through my mind.
Every day I was( and still am) faced with heightened fear. Violent images of my loved ones meeting horrible deaths are hard to keep in check.

I started to search for information on what was happening to me. Soon I was reading about symptoms that sounded just like mine. I found information through ICAN's Recovery pages. You can find their info about PTSD and PPD HERE
http://www.ican-online.org/recovery/postpartum-depression-and-post-traumatic-stress-disorder

I also found on online community called Solace for Mothers http://www.solaceformothers.org/
where many women gather to share their stories and support each other. Unfortunately, I am not alone. Many, many women have ptsd from childbirth, and this online forum is so helpful as it can be really hard when no one understands what you are going through.

Fast forward to 18 months post birth and many sessions with a good councilor. I still have nightmares, but not every night. I still have way more fear then is healthy. I still have anxiety and hyper-vigilance. I still have lost some of the joy in my life to this condition. But I have hope. Hope that I will learn ways to overcome. Hope that one day I will be able to feel normal again. This year my plan is to watch the elementary school concert and NOT jump up to grab my kids and run when the grade ones stand up to sing a holiday song.

Some times I wonder why did my cesarean birthing experience result in ptsd for me when so many other women don't suffer from this.
In the thinking I have done about this I have come up with the facts that I am a very sensitive human. I am often struck by how much more information I receive then others close to me. Often this has been a great gift but when in a traumatic situation perhaps having such highly open senses may not be a good thing. I also have a extremely precise memory for what people say and do. (I got by in university by going to class, if heard the prof say it chances were high I would remember it, -sure beat studying) These are the attributes that I think lead me to be more susceptible.

I have read that some people think that some women are more likely to get ptsd because of previous experiences. This bothers me because who has had the perfect life? By the time we are of child bearing age who hasn't had their share of heartache and pain? Maybe for some prior traumas may add to their risk, but my own experience is that even a normal life can lead to reacting to birth trauma in this way.

Well thats my little bit on that. I hope that it is helpful to some.

I would like to end with this;
PLEASE If you are suffering don't suffer alone. Reach out. It's hard, you may have to reach out more then once ( I did), but when you start to find a way to feel better it will be worth it.

Resolution

2010-08-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

There are these moments in my life when I feel a little push from the devine. Sometimes it's a gentle nudge in the right direction, sometimes it's a unwelcome shove that sends me into a momentary free fall.

I was just reminded about one of these moments. In the fall of last year I had written a "Review of my Birthing Experience" and was contemplating what to do with it. While I felt that it should be read by the care providers at the hospital I had delivered at it was extremely difficult to face the idea that numerous people would examine me again. No, not physically, but psychologically-I knew my experience would be reviewed and dissected by many, many people. I would never meet these people or even learn their names. I knew I would be criticised.
And worse then anything else, I would never know the truth about what was said about me behind those closed doors. And so I did nothing. I left my "Review" in a file and tried to move on with my life.

And then I picked up the paper in a coffee shop one day in December and on the cover was a picture of a vibrant young mother and her baby. The mother was a doctor who had spent her career delivering babies and her baby was born the same month as my baby at the same hospital. The story in the paper told of their death in a plane crash. Tears jumped to my eyes.

The next day I sent the review to the complaint department of the hospital.

Life is short. Life is too short to wait for another day for anything.

I read that this young mother/doctor had great faith in the hospital I delivered at and I'm sure she would want it to be the best it possibly can be. Criticism is a great motivator for change.
So in saying prayers for her family, and sending my review I tried to honour her life.

Dealing with the complaint wasn't fun, it didn't make me feel better, in fact in many ways I felt worse, but it was a push towards more positive births. By providing my feedback to those who cared for me I can only hope that there were ripples of change.

I believe saying our truths can be one of the hardest things and also the most important.

I was sent this in an email;

"Finding strategies to heal and integrate the experience in your truth takes time, energy and resolution."

And so, by chance yesterday, I found myself reading about that mother and her baby again;
lives lost reminding me to take a breath and feel my resolution.

WOW

2010-07-23T16:09:00.001-07:00

I feel almost out of touch with my blog, like a friend that I haven't had a chance to call.

I am desperate to review Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy by Laura Keegan.

I'd explain all the things I have going on that are keeping me from writing , but that would only take time away from what I need to say which is that

I AM FEELING SO HOPEFUL!!! Change is a coming I can feel it in the wind.

Last night I was in a room with Suzanne Arms (of Immaculate Deception and so much more)
Gloria Lemay, Jennifer Block (of Pushed), Helene Vadeboncoeur (of Birthing Normally after a caesarean or two), along with other activists, doulas, midwives, lacivists, intactivists, mothers who home birthed, hospital birthed, elective cesarean birthed, and 4 babies.

I could feel the cogs shifting, the universal work being done. Women are so powerful, we just have to take hold of it and NEVER LET GO AGAIN!

I must go, I have a 200+ to do list but I had to stop in and share my joy.

After august I'll fill in all the details.

What About Dads?

2010-06-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

So it's almost father's day and I have been thinking about Dad's role during cesarean births, or for that matter all births.
In general in the last 35 years fathers have had an increasing role in the birth of their children. Gone are the days when gentlemen waited at home or in hospital waiting rooms cigar in hand. Now fathers are most commonly in the birthing room being with their partner while their new family member arrives.

The one exception to this rule seems to be father's who's babies are delivered by cesarean section while the mother is under general anesthetic. I can't seem to find any documented medical reason why this is so. In fact, I have found numerous reference to the difficult time families have after these types of births, because father's are mourning the loss of witnessing their babies arrival and the mother's fighting the irrational feeling that the baby they are given is not really theirs. I would like to issue a plea to hospitals every where:
PLEASE LET THE DADS IN.
Not only will this solve the problem of them missing their child's birth, but studies have shown that having someone take pictures during these types of births and later telling the details of the birth of their child can really help the mother's emotional healing and promote proper bonding. Who better to do this then the father?

I sure needed my partner with me during my birthing experience. In fact, one of the worst parts of my second son's birth was when I had been moved to the OR with the understanding that baby needed out quick and that a instrument delivery was likely, or perhaps a cesarean. I was alone (except for the room full of blue clad people!) when the doctor made the call to operate. I so needed my partner, but he was still in the hall waiting to be given permission to enter. He was upset and I was upset. Why couldn't he have been with me when this life changing decision was made?

I remember now the child birth class we took together and while we were talking about cesarean births the instructor told the partners "Don't be afraid to sound like a broken record by saying "When can mom see the baby?" Ask often , ask everyone, keep asking until it happens. As you know if you have read my previous post, we were lucky enough to have this not be an issue for us, but I have heard so very many stories of women waiting hours to see their new babies. So dads: KEEP ASKING FOR BABY TO BE WITH THEIR MOM.

I came across this post: "Delivery Room Football" by Dr. Emmett Miller describing the scene when after his wife's unexpected cesarean delivery. The pediatric team was getting ready to take his baby daughter away to the nursery before mom had even seen her. “Nobody’s leaving this room with that child!” he declared .“You’ll have to sign papers saying that you’re taking this child against medical advice!” countered the doctor holding the baby.
He recalls: "I imagine that if I had not been an experienced physician, I might have faltered long enough for him to succeed in an end run after all. But I had delivered enough babies to know that this one was in no immediate danger. A moment later, Lauren was there on her mother’s arm nuzzling for the breast."

You can read his whole story here:
http://www.thewellspring.com/flex/birth/2688/delivery-room-football-by-emmett-miller-md.cfm

While not many of us have medical professionals for partners , we can still advocate for mother baby contact, and if that is not possible then skin to skin with father is the next best thing.

A study from Sweden called:Skin-to-skin care with the father after cesarean birth and its effect on newborn crying and prefeeding behavior. concluded:
"The infants in the skin-to-skin group were comforted, that is, they stopped crying, became calmer, and reached a drowsy state earlier than the infants in the cot group. The father can facilitate the development of the infant's prefeeding behavior in this important period of the newborn infant's life and should thus be regarded as the primary caregiver for the infant during the separation of mother and baby."

The role of father's, like all elements of birthing, I believe is in need of greater understanding soI strongly urge you to visit:
http://theothersideoftheglassthefilm.blogspot.com/
"THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GLASS"
This is the site of the first birth empowerment film for fathers. Just the trailer made me want to cry. This film highlights the problems with the way father's are pushed aside and babies and mothers are subjected to unnecessary and practically violent procedures. Please go to the site. There is a chance to get an advance copy and help get this film finished.

So that covers what I have found out, so far, about dad's and with the birthing process. I know there is so much more to learn. Before I finish this post I wanted to add that dad's are not just helpers or extra people at the birth of their children. Birth can have a profound impact of fathers both in a positive or negative way, especially if the birth is difficult, as many cesareans are. Here is a link to a post partum dad's site:
http://postpartumdadsproject.org/ If you are a dad and are having a difficult time since the birth of your child you are not alone. Reach out to others who understand what you are going through.

We all have the chance to reach for greater and better births for every member of the family
so let's spread the word. Educate yourself, educate each other. Share your stories and a very HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all.

Skin to Skin in the OR

2010-04-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

In honour of the end of Cesarean Awareness Month, I am posting this picture of my brand new baby, less then ten minutes after his emergency cesarean delivery. As you can see we are skin to skin in the OR. I had no idea how special this was until I started learning more about cesareans. Now I know that, although it should be, having baby placed naked on it's mamas chest is not common practice. I was very lucky to have care providers that made this happen. When I see cesareans on TV ( yes sometimes I am foolish enough to watch "those" birth shows) I am saddened to see babies being excessively handled. Silly things are done, such as having foot prints taken, diapering, and tight swaddling, all before baby gets to meet their mom.

So fellow mothers and fathers, ask for your babies. Don't be afraid to speak up. If your baby is stable there is no reason not to meet them in their birth day suits. One of the most empowering moments of my crazy birth was having the chance to answer "No Diaper".

Abbie Dorn

2010-04-22T20:46:00.001-07:00

I am saying a prayer for Abbie Dorn.

I read the paper at the coffee shop the other day and there on page 11 a tiny blurb:

"Abbie Dorn's parents are fighting for her right to see her children. She was left unable to move or speak after a botched delivery of triplets in 2006."

"Botched delivery of triplets" I knew that could mean only one thing:cesarean.

A quick web search led me to:

LOS ANGELES -- A Myrtle Beach mother who is unable to move or speak - and possibly to understand - is the focus of an unusual, emotional court case to decide if she has visitation rights with her 3-year-old triplets. (http://www.thesunnews.com/2010/04/22/1435062/visitation-right-sought-for-disabled.html)

More in depth article called : "Severely disabled, is she still a mom"

Severely disabled, is she still a mom? Battle nears over visitation rights of a woman injured in childbirth April 11, 2010|By Maria L. La Ganga

Sure enough one of the articles refers to the doctor accidentally "nicking" her uterus causing massive bleeding and resulting in brain damage. I can't find any mention to "cesarean" but I can't imagine her uterus was nicked any other way.

There is mention that she won a 7.8 million dollar medical malpractice suit.

She can no longer move or talk. Her parents believe she communicates through long blinks and tears. Her ex-husband believes she is vegetative. Abbie's parents and her ex. are in court battling over whether or not she has the right to visitation with her children. So very sad.

There are so many facets to her story, but as this is a cesarean blog I'm going to comment on that.

I can't find anything about her birth story. Does anyone know what happened?

I like to hope that her cesarean was necessary. I'd like to believe that she had a trial of labour and the "difficult delivery of the third baby" refers to a emergency situation.

I hope the surgery wasn't done "just in case", or "to ensure nothing happens to the babies".

I'd like to believe that this medical mishap was come to honestly. That there was good reason to deliver her babies surgically. Mistakes do happen.

I'd like to believe that Abbie was given the chance to birth her babies naturally .

I'd like to believe these things, but I would probably be wrong.

Everyday women are told that the only way to safely deliver multiples is by cesarean.

States one article:

"While for triplets and higher-grade multiples caesarean section is the first-line mode of delivery" http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17440267

And another asks:

"Is vaginal delivery in twin pregnancy still an option?" http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19570620

The thing that I find, again and again, is that there are only a few small studies on any birth topic. Risks to the babies seem to be the primary concern. Risks to moms seems to be unexplored.

One thing I know I can believe is that we can birth babies naturally, even multiples. Just because we are being advised against it by the medical establishment does not mean that there is no other way.

Here is an inspiring video about twins and triplets birthed naturally:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E-wULAaD50

And so Abbie Dorn I say a prayer for you. I hope you have peace in your heart.
I pray that you see your children soon.

New York Hospital Changing Policies.

2010-04-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

I just read this great article I got through the ICAN Blog.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/20/nyregion/20bigcity.html?hp

It's a New York Times article about two hospitals on Staten Island, one with an increasing cesarean rate and the other with a declining rate.

The article talks about the fact that many hospitals pay lip service to the fact that the cesarean rate is dangerously high, but have not taken dramatic steps to reduce them.

The article gives credit to Dr. Mitchell A. Maiman, the chairman of the obstetrics and gynecology department the one of the two hospitals, Staten Island University Hospital, for building the goal of cesarean reduction into policy.

Some of the things that they are doing...

Dr. Maiman and his colleagues do not allow unnecessary inductions for first-time pregnancies at any point before the 41st week.

They also do not allow C-sections for no reason other than the mother wants one, stating:
“I find that most of the time, if you explain to a mother you’ll recover faster, it’s safer,” he said, “then most women will choose a vaginal delivery.”

I found that the following quote from the article to be important as it illuminates the fact that women rarely request cesareans if given good information.

"Mother-demanded C-sections are unusual enough that the policy is probably more useful to Dr. Maiman for the message it sends to doctors and patients..." (bold mine)

Dr. Maiman actively encourages VBACs. -YAY!

And I love this one:

Residents are trained not only to avoid unnecessary C-sections, but to let higher-ups know if they witness another doctor about to perform one. -Go Dr.Maiman!

Change only happens when we DO!

Woman to Woman Videos

2010-04-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

So I've been watching some fabulous videos from Birth Matters Virginia's Video contest winners.

I particularly responded to this one called

Prevent Cesarean Surgery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxRmVciXy-g
It just says it so well. I love that these videos are made by women for women.

Here is the link to the Birth Matter's page containing all of the finalists:
http://www.birthmattersva.org/videocontest.html

So many passionate women. It make me feel hopeful to find these beautifully strong voices.
It strikes me that, like a choir, our voices are stronger and fuller together.
Each one of us adding to the harmony.

My Story, blogs and

2010-04-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

Finally a moment to myself (hmm and the whole wide world I guess...)

I've been really wanting to write lately and have found that I just haven't been able to fit it in.
The reasons seem to be both physical and mental. My 11 month old slept a whole 17 minutes today- all in the car seat. Can't multi-task much from from there. I'm working on excepting that I'm on the "three year chase" part of having a child, especially a boy!

I surrender to reading the same alphabet book 9 times a day.

It's also spring which for me means garden time. A time when I need to plant and weed and ready the soil. I love growing food in my yard. It makes me feel free and whole to eat things I grow myself. Some day I will start a garden blog as I keep promising all my aspiring gardener friends.

But back to this blog. I feel like I'm turning over a new leaf. I've become more self conscious. When I started posting here I had no idea about the world of blogging. I was frantically researching, trying to get some understanding of this totally surreal thing that had happened to me: the surgical birth of my son.

As I was discovering facts and information I realized I felt a need to make the things I was finding available to others. The idea of blogging came from a woman I went to high school with who has a blog about mothering. She sent me a link to it on facebook. So that's how I got here, my technological foot print.

I thought that I would have to try to get people to read what I wrote, that I would have to send them the link. I'd never heard of"google alerts".

Now I know that there are people out there who are reading what I write and I am humbled.
Thank you for those of you who have stopped by and said hello. You have encouraged me to keep doing and lending my voice to this important issue. I have recently learned that my province has the highest cesarean rate in Canada (30.4% during latest reporting period 2005).
Yikes.

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed by the enormity of the problem. I've become involved in ICAN by starting a local chapter. Meeting women who have faced these same challenges, who are scarred by their babes' birthing.

Wow(okay that is sarcastic hey it's better then a "bad word"), the more I learn about the state of birthing in the world the more dire the situation appears. Thankfully there are many pushing to keep birth holistic and empowering.

I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to cause change, to get the info out there and the result is less productivity. It seems if I want to I could see almost everything as an analogy for birth -the more you surrender the to your own flow the better.

So I do have a couple of half finished posts that I will work, but without guilt in the speed of their arrival. I will not be cynical. I will believe in change.

Spring Hello

2010-03-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well it's officially spring today. I'm amazed that the year has turned seasons already.
I haven't blogged in a few weeks, decided to take some time to explore the world of bloggers and I want to say that I am totally impressed by the wonderful, committed, and passionate women out there. I'm going to put together a blog list, but I'm still working on it.

I'd also like to thank Michelle at BirthCut for doing a fantastic job putting together a "Positive Cesarean" page. I now believe that even the most ardent home-birth activist should protect themselves by having a "last resort" cesarean birth plan. I've spent the last 11 months trying to sort out my head from an emergency cesarean and I'm sure had I spent a short time really considering how to best cope in that situation I'd be much better off.
You can find it at:
http://www.birthcut.com/thepositivecesarean.htm

I'm going to focus my next few posts on reviewing articles that offer scientific evidence of how best to create cesarean births that achieve healthy psychological outcomes. Again, this is going into academic literature so I'll do my best but please forgive my mildly dyslexic (yes really) writing.

I'm off to tend to my garden, one of the things that has helped my healing has been connecting with the earth in a literal way. Nothing like digging in the dirt to let my inner earth mama out!

500 Years of Cesarean History

2010-02-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what the message is in the history of cesareans, but I know there is something important there. Every time I delve deeper into studying the history of surgical birth I sleep better, feel clearer, and have brighter thoughts. So, now I have with a birth history book with two whole post-it packs marking pages in it. (beg's the question- if I put a sticky on every page what's the point of any stickies at all?)

As it's now overdue at the library so I thought I would take another turn at summarizing some of it's amazing depth before I have to give it back. Here is my second installment from:

Not of Woman Born, Representations of Caesarean Birth in Medieval and Renaissance Culture, by Renate Blumenfeld-Kosinski

I'd recommend this book to anyone curious about the politicizing of birth and it traces this origin. Blumenfeld-Kosinski has done a thorough investigation of many ancient documents including early European medical treatises, clerical writing, court proceedings and visual representations. All of which depict a time when birth changed from being seen as an everyday activity done by women, to a time when a birthing women was attended by male medical attendants.

I am going to offer the following notes on Blumenfeld-Kosinski's first chapter titled:

Cesarean Birth in Medical Thought

Early Medieval thought was thick with religious connotations. Sex and birth were linked through the idea of virgin birth, the rejection of sexual pleasure of the clergy, and the belief that procreation was the only way to sanctify the sexual act. Infant and early childhood mortality was high. Birthing took place at home, attended by midwives and was considered a non-medical procedure. Cesareans, in the popular mind, were legends of miracles or whispered tales of horrors and mutilations. Cesareans were thought to be preformed only in the case of maternal death in an attempt to baptize the unborn child. They rarely resulted in a live child.

1100Ad the church was intertwined with everyday medical procedures. Priests preformed surgeries and nuns were often midwives. This changed after the pope warned clerical members from interfering with the ways of the world and body. In 1200AD deacons and priest were formally forbade from practicing surgeries. Lay professionals were the only ones preforming the tasks of surgeons, physicians and midwifes.

In 1236AD The Council of Canterbury decreed that cesareans be preformed in order to baptize an infant if the mother dies. The church was both limiting birth attendants to lay midwifes, but then requiring them to preform the clerical job of baptisms. During the 1300's confusion ruled as to how to insure the child's salvation. Generally, if the child died before the mother, or if it was born live and baptized it was saved, but if it died in it's deceased mother it was dammed. Midwives were forced to be not only birth attendants but also caretakers of the child's immortal soul. If a birth proved deadly for the mother they were charged to cut the baby out at just the right moment, to late and the baby would be already dead and it's soul would be doomed. (Wow, now that's pressure!) Too early and they risked killing the mother needlessly.

1400's brought with it a Renaissance of dissection and medical writings including:

"Lilium" by Bernard of Gordon was the first western medical text that included a written account of a cesarean resulting in a live baby. Bernard gathered advice from "old wives" that the baby can survive for a short time after the death of the mother and can be out of mother live.

1423 Piero d'Argella of Bologna authored "Chirurgia" and writes the first male obstetrical first-person account of a post-mortum cesarean.

In Germany in the mid 1400s Midwifery came under official control for the first time. Many statues to govern their procedures were written.

In 1480 a southern German statute contains the following:
"Many mother's ask, when they feel that they are dying, to liberate the child by an incision. In that case, the skillful midwife has to open up one side and pull out the baby. If the woman is still alive, the wound is to be closed with three or four lignatures, and a plaster of eggs and strong hemp fabric. Give the woman a sip of the best wine, and a drink made of salsifry and mountain albanum. The woman will recover, with God's help."

1513 Eucharius Roesslin wrote
"Der Swangern Frawen und Hebammen Rosegarten" (The Pregnant Women's and Midwives Rose Garden) which contains many instructions for the female midwifes but tellingly directs the instructions for cesarean to male surgeons. Birth has entered the realm of male practitioners through cesarean procedures.

1581 Francois Rousset wrote
Traitte Nouveau de l'Hysterotomotokie. ou enfantement Caesarien
Subtitle:The extraction of the child through lateral incision of the abdomen and uterus of a pregnant woman who cannot otherwise give birth.
Rousset coined the term "enfantement Caesarien" ("cesarean birth"). He named it after the first of the Caesars, Scipio Africanus, who was supposedly born this way(often confused with Julius Caesar who was not born by Caesarean)
This writing was, for it's time, radical as he suggested cesarean birth to be preformed on live women in order to save both mother and child.
His reason for this is that he has gathered case histories from "trustworthy" people who reported witnessing cesareans. He also examined women who had abdominal scars they reported to be from Cesareans. One such case was Anne Godart who is reported to have had 6 cesareans before dying during an attempted 7th birth, because her surgeon had died and no one could do the cesarean.
Roussset witnessed the performance of an operation he himself advised for prolonged labour. a young surgeon made an "incision on the woman's right side just lower then the naval, little blood was shed, and a living child was pulled out and the afterbirth. The wound was closed with 5 stitches. After 40 days of bed rest the woman was well again"
Rousset was passionate about innovation and active intervention in childbirth. He professed that surgeons should be "quick to act" but he was disputed by many who believed that his methods would result in the death of women who would have given birth naturally if given enough time (hmm... the first debate about failure to progress?)

Jacques Marchant was probably Rousset's biggest opponent siting many cases of failed cesarean and coining the term "natural versus unnatural" childbirth. He wrote:

"How can a surgeon plunge his hands into the side of a pregnant woman when there is a natural exit? Better to wait for nature then rush into a desperate and doomed operation"

Despite the debate, abdominal surgeries for bladder stones were being done successfully and it is sure that some cesareans were being done with good outcomes for mother's and babies during this time.

It wasn't until the late 1500s that cesareans were accepted by a broader number of medical professionals and were done in attempt to save both the mother and child. It was during this time that women were formally forbade from handling surgical instruments. This meant that birth,in western culture, had moved totally from women's world into male medical realm.

Blumenfeld-Kosinski sums up this chapter by relating the significance of cesarean procedure in bringing birthing into the realm of male obstetrical practice and away from female birth attendants.

There you have it, my attempt to sum up this extremely complex chapter. I'd guess that I included only about 1/100th of the information contained with in the original work.

I find it particularly telling that cesarean procedures were immediately the subject of great debate as to how they affect the preservation of the body and the salvation of the soul.

I believe that many women who have had cesareans will agree that they are a profound experience that affects their heart, body, and soul.

Another thing that struck me was that successful cesareans were most likely first done by women midwives and only later were they attempted by male counterparts. I wonder how birth would look now if we had been able to have both the world wise women and the book wise men work together instead of becoming adversaries. Instead, this time in history led to the vast persecution of women healers and over 150 000 of them were killed during the witch hunts.
We humans are so counterintuitive on so many levels.

Now I best get this book back to the library, I'm sure there are others wanting to read it (maybe?) I'll try again another time to relate more about it's general themes as they are so profound they keep me thinking.

Placental Thoughts

2010-01-26T12:07:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about placentas. I realized I missed "viewing my placenta" from the list of things I wish I'd been able to do during my cesarean birth. It's been bothering me that I forgot that one. I have the most beautiful pictures of my first placenta, but sadly didn't see my cesarean placenta before it went to pathology

I think they are important links to our animal self. I've lived on a farm, watched new mama animals eating their placentas. They are these unique, one time use organs, that our bodies create.

I see that the placenta is the living tie between mother and babe. I also think it's interesting that the placenta loses it's life at every birth as it is shed from both bodies.

I thought about consuming my own placenta. My uninformed idea was that I would have had to eat two pounds of placenta stir-fry. I just could quite see myself doing that no matter how good it is for me!

Turns out I should have looked in to it more.

I've been learning about placental encapsulation and it sounds super cool. I t allows the placenta to be stored and consumed easily. The benefits are reported as preventing postpartum depression, helping with milk supply and even help with menopause hormone changes.

Here is a link to a youtube video of a reporter following a professional "placenta-lady"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuxeAbeDcU0

And here's a blog post, with pictures, of a mama doing it herself.

http://mamamojo.wordpress.com/2008/06/10/placenta-dehydrationencapsulation-phase-one-complete/

Before I had a cesarean I had never thought of not seeing my placenta. Giving birth vaginally it's just not something you would miss, 'cause you have to push it out. It wasn't until the day after my cesarean that I thought about it at all.

If I had it to do over I'd encapsulate mine, or at least think to ask to see it.

p.s. just found this great site with lots of info:

http://www.placentabenefits.info/

History of Cesareans

2010-01-17T18:12:00.001-08:00

So, I've been facing a few fears lately...
One being that I went to search out this book who's title so haunted me the first time I saw it.

Not of Women Born
Representations of Cesarean Birth in Medieval and Renaissance Culture
by Renate Blumenfeld-Kosinski

Well I've read it through now, it's a true academic read, made me put to use my high school Latin and wade through 40 pages of footnotes! -It's also totally fascinating.
It documents the time in the history of western civilization when cesarean births entered medical texts. A time when women healers and midwives were forced from the birthing room and their male counter parts took over with scalpels and forceps at the ready.

There is so much information in this book I'm going to have to divide it up into a few post topics to do it any justice.

I thought I would start by summing up the ancient history of cesareans that Blumenfeld-Kosinski includes:

2000BC Mesopotamian Cuneiform tablet references a child "pulled from the womb" and then adopted.

715BC the "lex regia" proclaimed by Roman king Numa Pompilius decreeing it unlawful to bury a undelivered women. Anyone doing this would be guilty of causing the death of the child.

3rd Century BC -3rd Century AD Two Ancient Jewish Texts reference Cesarean births:
Mishna text includes reference that twins brought forth by cut in the abdomen must share right of succession.
Nidda appendix to Talmud refers to women who bring forth children by cut in their abdomen not needing to observe the traditional days of purification, This text is
particularly interesting as it suggests that the mother has survived.

5th Century BC- 2nd Century AD an Indian doctor named Susruta writes medical text
Nidanasthana includes urgings for doctors to preform an abdominal delivery quickly in
the event of the death of the mother.

23-79 AD Roman Scholar
Pliny the Elder discusses the auspiciousness of a cesarean birth. The idea that the person
cheated death at birth.

These ancient references brought the context of the modern cesarean to a new place for me. These seeds in history, these ancient mothers, most who did not survive the births of their children, I feel the need to honour their sacrifice. While the risk of death during cesarean birth is still much higher then vaginal birth, I am so grateful for these thousands of years of learning that helped keep me and my baby safe.

Summary

2009-11-30T19:38:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd take a few minutes to summarize the previous five posts as they have all been links.

The links are to numerous writers including a doula, a birth educator, academics and patients all suggesting that cesarean sections can be done in a way that results in a better experience for the birthing woman.

Based on the reading I have done, links mentioned and my personal experience would like to suggest that all women considering childbearing give at least a little thought to the potential of having a cesarean in order to advocate for their wishes should one become necessary.

In hindsight it would have been helpful for me to have thought about the following so that I could have advocated for myself:

My wish to view the birth by mirror or lowering the screen.
Asking to have the surgery described for me.
How I wished to have the moment of birth announced.
Asking for a view to the pediatric area.
Asking to have the newborn exam delayed until I had met my baby.

Also I feel extremely lucky that I was allowed the chance to:
Have skin to skin contact in the OR.
Breastfeed in the OR.

I'm sure not everyone wants the same things as me. Maybe the last thing some women would like is to have surgery described to them. Still having considered that in advance and being able to ask the attendants to use distraction techniques would help personal choice enter a situation where loss of control can be very overwhelming.

I know I spent more time considering genetic testing then I did having a cesarean, yet my risk of baby having a genetic abnormality was significantly less then the more then 1 in 4 chance Canadian women have of having a cesarean.

For me it came down to an emergency situation, everything moved very quickly and now I see how a little more prep could have saved me much heartache.

The Faceless Caesarean

2009-11-29T17:36:00.001-08:00

Above is a call to action to help better cesarean experience from:

The Faceless Caesarean by Caroline Oblasser.
"Caesarean mothers in words and photographs"

I found this book fascinating and I'm glad that it exists because more people need to know the truth about Cesareans. Women's own narrative accounts are so helpful in understanding what it's really like. Also by interviewing 162 women this book is one of the few firsthand authorities I've found on what women want when surgical birth IS necessary.

The photos are also very powerful.

Her book is available at www.caesareanbook.com

Natural Cesarean

2009-11-22T13:47:00.000-08:00

I've got to say there are some things I just love about the web. Thanks to Karen, who left a comment on one of my posts I have been researching Prof. Fisk who is pioneering "Natural Cesareans". Yay! Now all we need to do is get this info out there.

The natural caesarean: a woman-centred technique

J Smith,^a F Plaat,^b and NM Fisk^a

"Although much effort has gone into promoting early skin-to-skin contact and parental involvement at vaginal birth, caesarean birth remains entrenched in surgical and resuscitative rituals, which delay parental contact, impair maternal satisfaction and reduce breastfeeding. We describe a ‘natural’ approach that mimics the situation at vaginal birth by allowing (i) the parents to watch the birth of their child as active participants (ii) slow delivery with physiological autoresuscitation and (iii) the baby to be transferred directly onto the mother's chest for early skin-to-skin. Studies are required into methods of reforming caesarean section, the most common operation worldwide."

Please cite this paper as: Smith J, Plaat F, Fisk N. The natural caesarean: a woman-centred technique. BJOG 2008;115:1037–1042.

Here is a link to an abstract of his article, and a chance to download to the whole thing:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2613254/

Here is a link to an magazine article about this new procedure.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article6028478.ece

Planning a Good Cesarean

2009-11-16T17:32:00.000-08:00

Here is a link to a

UK Midwifery Archives page titled "Planning a Good Caesarean Section"

http://www.radmid.demon.co.uk/csgood.htm

It's amazing how much I can relate to the stories, particularly the first complaint of "Karen, 33"
Who writes:
"Things that didn't help:
Not being given the choice to see my daughter being born. I would have liked the screen to be down so I could see but this wasn't offered - and at the time I was too concerned for my daughter's welfare to even think of it but would have said yes if asked."

Also pretty amazing is the story by "Tikki" she sais:

"I read a magazine article about a woman in the UK who birthed her own baby with a C/S! The surgeon asked her to reach down to feel the baby's head, and she just started to pull, and he let her! There's active involvement."

I am starting to imagine a time when disconnected "sheet-up cesareans" are as passe as lifting the baby up by it's heels and smacking it's bottom!

Spiritual Cesareans

2009-11-16T17:06:00.000-08:00

Here is another link I found.
It's about doula care for cesarean sections .
It's the reflections of a doula who took a day course with Lanell Coultas about attending cesareans.

http://doulaemily.blogspot.com/2008/12/experiencing-spiritual-cesarean.html

I wonder how many hospitals allow for doula care during cesareans?

Spiritual Cesareans

2009-11-04T12:19:00.000-08:00

The term "spiritual cesarean" popped into my mind a few days ago, so this morning I searched the web. This link is to the Birthing From Within website and I thought it started to address the idea I feel forming. Definitely worth a read.

http://www.birthingfromwithin.com/cesarean_birth

My Story

2009-10-30T12:13:00.000-07:00

The more reading I do the more I feel at odds with the terms I find.
The birth of my son was not "normal" or "natural". It seems that once I crossed over from vaginal childbirth to the other side I am alienated from all the things that I feel define me.

And I'll admit before I had a cesarean I had an idea about them that was formed by the media. I thought they were the easy way out. What else could the term "to posh to push" mean?
I pushed my first baby out- and it hurt, took over a day for him to be born, and it took just as much time to much time to sew me up as my cesarean did. I felt like a trouper that I had done it "all natural". I had no idea that the reality of being cut open to have a baby is certainly not easier, maybe a bit more predictable, but not easier.

To me there seem to be two camps, one driven by the "natural" side, advocating for vaginal births, home birthing options, midwifery care, and avoidance of medical interventions.
The other camp is the medical establishment with a "better safe then sorry" approach to childbirth and the use of modern interventions. This dichotomy has existed for hundreds of years and the fact that women have a choice at all has been hard fought. Midwifes have only legally been allowed to be primary birth attendants in B.C. for just over 10 years.

Before my cesarean, I knew where I belonged, I'm an all natural girl . Now I feel rejected by the natural side, like I lost the good fight. I failed to be a statistic that will help women get greater choices and more satisfying births. I'm now on the tallies of why we need medical interventions.

I often wonder why almost six months after my birthing experience I am still compelled to examine my experience. I know that there must be a reason, and as I listen to more stories of women in my community I feel that perhaps this purpose is to help bring more choices to families who have unplanned cesareans. There are so many little ways I feel the natural aspect of child birth were unnecessarily stripped away from me.

There are many books on repeat cesareans, vbacs, cesarean prevention and such, but I'm yet to find anything that addresses how to make unplanned cesareans better.

Maybe it's time to speak up and all us natural girls need to help each other find a new term.
"My natural cesarean?"

2009-10-19T22:59:00.001-07:00

Holding my new nephew a couple of days ago, I ran my hand over his head I felt the complex pattern of texture to his scull.
The story of his path through the birth channel etched on his head.
I miss that in my new son. I was so very bothered by his head when he was new. The geometric roundness of his never "squished" head was unusual to me.
I wonder more about his now. Once babies are born we are very aware that their heads need to be protected. I would be fearful for his life if he was to have something happen to him that changed the shape of his head.
How will he be affected by having a brain that was never crushed through my pelvis? How will the millions of people birthed in this way be affected?
Perhaps there is some reason for these births in the cosmic scheme of things. Maybe these babies who enter our physical world in this way are gifted with a more celestial brain?
There is a theme that runs through out many mythologies that women are destined to feel great pain and sacrifice in order to bring forth life.
Surgical birth felt to me like a greater sacrifice then regular birth, perhaps this extra sacrifice has a purpose. I'll never know, but it makes me feel good to think that besides ensuring a safe delivery for him (in itself a great thing), that his method of arrival may serve a greater good. If I know anything it's that balance finds it's way.

My Story

2009-10-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

People call me an earth mama, I make art, eat orgainic food, drink herbal concoctions, do yoga and as my brother put it: Im the last person he would have thought would have a cesarean.
Still, I was surprised at the huge reaction I had to having a cesarean section -besides just not much liking having emergency surgery and the trauma of fearing for my babies life, I struggled to relate to what had just happened. I felt a bit like I had been swallowed by medical machine that had taken over my body, invaded me with plastic tubes, dizzying narcotics and faceless people who looked right inside the depths of my body. Yet this same alien system had produced my beautiful baby.
I felt compelled to find out as much as I could about cesareans. I searched my local library catalog and found myself looking at a list of books topped by one called Not Of Woman Born.
This was how I felt. Somehow I had brought forth a baby without him being born.
I really wanted to find a way to pull his birth back into myself, to accept that I had birthed him. He had been brought forth from my body, covered in my blood, even if I didnt know the exact moment we became two.
I was hungry for information.
Pouring over the medical intervention chapters in my pregnancy books and talking to everyone I knew who had one just brought me tears not progress.
I had my first moment of reconnection when I read about tribal people in Africa, shamanic healers with well developed methods of performing cesarean births long before they were common in western cultures. Even though Im obviously not a tribal African, I felt I could relate to the earthiness of those people performing cesareans by torch light.
I found a first step in re-finding me.

History of Cesareans

2009-10-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

I found this interesting reading online:

Cesarean Section- A Brief History by Jane Eliot Sewell Ph.D.
"A brochure to Accompany an exhibition on the History of Cesarean Section at the National Library of Medicine" held in 1993

I found this to be a fascinating way to learn about the history of the modern cesarean birth.
It is an extensive article with interesting historical depictions of cesareans being preformed and an overview of historically recorded cesareans.